About me, Christianity, Random Posts

Oh Lord I Pray

Lord my God,

I know you love me. That is something I have known since I was a little girl, but I don’t always feel loved. I don’t always believe you think I am beautiful. The world likes to trick me and lie to me. To be beautiful I have to be thin, pretty, talented in a way that is accepted by society, but I will never live up to the standards of the world. The world likes to wrap its tentacles around the necks of the people in our society, slowly suffocating them. Please allow me to not be wrapped up in the social stigma of what “beautiful” means. To be “beautiful” is the most unachievable thing for women in America. Please keep me from falling in that trap. The world will never love me like YOU love me.

Lord, I am insecure. I am insecure about my looks, about my smarts, about my skills, about my social skills. Rarely do I feel beautiful. Sometimes I just don’t care. Other times, I don’t feel pretty, but I try my hardest to look pretty. I feel overweight, which I hate saying because it is a typical thing to say as a girl. Who has ever met a girl who is completely secure in her weight even if she is the skinniest person you’ve ever seen? I am taller and bigger than probably all of the girls in my school. Help me to not care how others think of me. People will never think about me as much as I think about me. No one cares as much as I think they do. God, I don’t always feel smart. I never feel dumb, but I don’t like to feel average. Remind me daily that I am not defined by my IQ, my looks, my friends, my skills, or even my family. I am defined solely by YOU. Help me to embrace this thought and take it to heart.

God, I am frail. Keep me strong in you. Be the strong tower that I have known for so long. Don’t let me give in to my doubts. Help my unbelief. So many sleepless nights have passed because I let Satan put those doubts in my mind. Block my mind off from Satan’s fiery darts that will slowly destroy me if I dwell on them.

Who am I Lord? Everyone says I have to know what I want to do for the rest of my life by the time I finish high school. What am I supposed to do? Who am I supposed to be? I have had inclinations of where I might end up, but I’m afraid. I’m afraid of the impossible work that will have to be put in in order that I meet that goal. Then there is my passion for the sexually trafficked. Am I supposed to go into that field to help them? There are so many areas I could help in, but it doesn’t exactly pay much. I would have to rely on your support because there is no guarantee that I will be married and that the man I marry will make enough to support us and any kids that may come. Am I putting too much stress on myself? Should I relax more? Or is it healthy to think about this ahead of my time? It just makes me nervous because one choice can change my life forever for better or worse. Then there is no guarantee I will go into the field I got a degree in. Should I get a degree that could be used in many different careers? Guide my choices Lord. Don’t let me fall, and if I should, catch me Lord.

God, don’t let me get wrapped up in boys. That is a very dangerous thing as a teenager. There is already so much going on in my life that a boy could make it worse. So many girls have been drastically hurt because of a mistake made with a boy—whether that is she had sex with him and got pregnant, they idolized him above you, or numerous other reasons. Keep me pure and loyal to you alone.

Thank you for not comparing me! I compare myself to other girls, but thank you for not comparing me to other Christians. I know I am not like other Christians, but that is ok. We all worship differently. We all express love differently, but it seems to be particularly hard for me. Lord, you know my “love-language” is physical affection. Please do not let that keep me from expressing my love for you, even if I cannot physically touch you. Reach down and touch me instead.

Touch my heart and allow me to pass your love on to others. Use me to bless others on your behalf. Let me be a light among the darkness. Light among other lights means almost nothing. Allow me to be an influence in this world in my career, my friendships, and on the volleyball court. Let people see Jesus through me and to shift them towards you.

Lord I beg you in Jesus’ name.

Amen


If you need prayer for anything, please let me know! I will for sure pray for you. I also encourage you to write a letter to the Lord. I have not been this honest in most of my prayers, but when I wrote it out, it became more real to me and I felt more vulnerable in the Lord’s presence. You don’t have to make it public for the world to read, but at least just do it for you. It almost feels therapeutic. And let me know how you felt after you did it!


 

 

 

Rea

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4 thoughts on “Oh Lord I Pray”

  1. I love you. I love everything about you. I love your tender heart and vulnerability. Keep speaking truth to yourself and others. I know those negative feelings and thoughts you have are real, and I’m so thankful you recognize where they come from and where the truth is.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I love writing out prayers to the Lord! Being a writer, it just clicks in a special way with me and oftentimes I can express myself better in writing than verbally. Thank you for sharing your prayer — I know that must’ve taken guts! And I wanted to encourage you… you ARE influencing others on the court! That was one thing I was really impressed about, was that several of y’all were being fantastic leaders on the court the other night and keeping the attitude on the court positive. It made the game so much more exciting. 🙂 Keep it up!

    Like

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